What is anger?

Anger is a response to a situation or event that is at odds with your beliefs and values. It also occurs when you are prevented in some way from achieving your goals. Anger is a normal, natural emotion that can be positive.

It can assist you in correcting wrongs and asserting and standing up for what you believe in. We all experience anger, yet not all of us can control it. Some people become angry quicker than others and there are differences in how that anger is handled.

Where does anger come from?

Events within your environment as well as your own thoughts and feelings can lead to feelings and expressions of anger. Anger can arise from the following:

• Stress.

• Work overload.

• Feelings of powerlessness.

• Frustration  with life in general or with a specific event.

• Other people failing to meet up to your expectations or to follow assumed societal rules.

• Fear.

• Dwelling over past events.

• Events in your external environment.

How are we affected by anger?

Anger causes a similar response to your body as stress. When you become angry, your heart rate and blood pressure increases. You may develop stomach aches and headaches. Long term this can lead to a heart attack, heart disease, stomach ulcers and circulatory problems. It is therefore important to learn how to manage your anger.

When is anger unhelpful?

How do you know that your anger has become a problem, rather than being helpful? The following are potential signs:

• When you frequently feel angry.

• Your angry episodes are very intense.

• Even though you express your anger, you are still left feeling dissatisfied.

• Your anger lasts for long periods.

• Your anger is not managed well.

How do people mismanage anger?

There are two ways that people fail to manage their anger well. Firstly, people may vent their anger externally, through physical or verbal outbursts. They will take it out on others although it is not necessarily the person they are angry at who they take it out on. It is such people who we normally associate with being angry. However, another mismanaged expression of anger is to actually suppress anger or to turn anger on oneself. Such people you may think do not experience anger since on the surface they do not appear to. hey may be afraid to express their anger, perhaps fearing confrontation or lacking assertiveness.

Why is such anger expression unhelpful?

There are a number of reasons why both expressions of anger are problematic:

• They are not productive.

• Such expressions are often displaced.

• Can lead to illness, depression and other problems, especially if the anger has been suppressed.

• You can end up in prison.

• People can get seriously hurt or killed.

• It can destroy relationships.

What is the right way to express anger?

It is important to be able to express your anger. In fact research by Hosie et al (2001) found that people who were prevented from expressing their anger displayed more anger later on than those who were free to express how they felt. The key is to learn how to be assertive. That is, being able to say what you want and express your feelings without attacking the other person (whether verbally or physically) or hiding it away. Learn how to stand up for what you believe in, whilst not treading on the beliefs of others.

I have provided many tips and ideas in my anger management article to help you deal with your anger more appropriately. Counselling can help you deal with any concerns you may have about anger.