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Books for your wellbeing and happiness
Revitalizing Retirement: Reshaping Your Identity, Relationships and Purpose by Nancy K. Schlossberg
You work all those years thinking about the moment when you can put your feet up for good and take it easy. But then what? I’ve read enough research to know that if you see retirement as the end, things may go downhill for you very quickly. So I was keen to read Nancy Schlossberg’s book Revitalizing Retirement, intended for people approaching retirement as well as those already retired who could be happier.
Schlossberg’s book addresses the importance of creating a retirement that matters and is one of happiness, through the development of a psychological portfolio. She draws on Rosenberg’s work on mattering, highlighting an individual’s need to matter to other people as well as ourselves. Apparent throughout is the work of Positive Psychologists, which helps the reader understand what it means to be happy in retirement.
The book is divided into three sections: The Key to a Happy Retirement, How Others Have Found Happiness and Create Your Own Happiness. Each chapter ends with a segment called It’s Your Turn, where the reader gets to apply what they have learnt to their own life, through a series of tips and questions.
The first section introduces mattering, happiness and the psychological portfolio, which is broken down into identity, relationships and purpose. Schlossberg elaborates further on these aspects in section two: how they may change and what the reader can do to reshape and revitalise each of them. Somewhat confusingly, despite being called How Others Have Found Happiness, this section is not just about other people. Furthermore, people’s stories are used to illustrate her ideas throughout the book and not just in section two. Finally, section three helps the reader continue to build on their portfolio, as they confront roadblocks, address possibilities and follow her guidelines.
Since the stories she uses are central to the book, I would like to raise two concerns I have with them. The examples are frequently successful professionals, who have had great careers and are now facing transition. Not everyone will relate to these people. Secondly, such people had impressive networks, connections and resources to aid them, which many readers may not have access to.
Revitalizing Retirement is clear, highly readable, and full of useful information that gives the reader plenty to think about. For some it will help them think anew about what retirement means, so they are prepared psychologically. This will enable them to be excited about the future and ready to face change. Schlossberg is clearly somebody who cares about her subject and wants the best for her reader.
Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
If you are familiar with the idea of a Flow Experience, then it makes good sense to read this book, where Csikszentmihalyi builds on everything you need to know about what makes a Flow Experience. And if you are not familiar with the concept, then still read it, if you want ideas for creating a happier life for yourself. Happiness is regarded as a side effect of the things we do – providing the things we do meet the conditions for flow. This book will inspire you to become more actively involved in your own life. Many cases are cited where people know what it is to be in flow.
The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden
The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem is a comprehensive guide to everything that makes up a person’s self-esteem. Despite its title, Branden does not discuss the six pillars until chapter 6. However each chapter takes the time to go through each pillar and provides the reader with exercises in the form of sentence stems that they can use to reflect on and build their self-esteem. Recognising that self-esteem comes from within, the final part goes on to highlight the role external influences have on a person. Consideration is given to schools, work, psychotherapy, and culture. In the appendix you will find a 31 week sentence completion program which can consolidate your earlier reading.
Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor E Frankl
Everybody should read this book.
This amazing account offers a firsthand experience of the everyday life of prisoners in a concentration camp. Frankl was one such prisoner. He was also a psychiatrist. And an optimist. He relates how people survived all that they endured. It is about finding meaning in one’s life. Essentially, if you know there is meaning in your life, you can survive anything. He recognised the importance of never losing faith in the future. Even when a person’s freedom was at its lowest, decisions could still be made and that focusing on these gave people something to live for.
Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert
This book is an exploration into why we are so bad at predicting what makes us happy. Research shows over and over that money does not buy happiness, yet people pursue it. People think children will make them happy (and made them happy) but surveys show this is not so true (yet still people have children). The book takes us through the workings of the mind to explain the mistakes we make about what we think will make us happy. This is a funny and insightful book that is full of interesting research to support Gilbert’s ideas.
Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar
In Happier Tal Ben-Shahar works to help us understand that happiness is a journey, not an end point. As such we can all be happier and there are tips (time ins) and exercises scattered throughout to help us with our own happiness journey. The archetypes of rat-racer, nihilist and hedonist are introduced and how each of them impairs a person’s chance of happiness. Happiness is the ultimate currency and it is hoped the reader will recognise this. Space is devoted to education, relationships and the workplace. The book ends with seven meditations for living a happier life.
Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson
You won’t find any references to research in these books. Instead you get some good old comfort reading. These books are a great way to relieve stress and are a lovely way to get away from it all. So get cosy, sit back and relax.
How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable About Anything – Yes, Anything by Albert Ellis
How you think has a major impact on your life. It affects how you feel about a particular situation and your subsequent response to it. In this book Ellis works systematically through the steps needed to identifying the thoughts you hold and how to go about changing them. You will learn to identify your irrational thinking and replace them with rational, logical thoughts that enable you to get on with your life. He uses the principles of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, which is used widely by counsellors and psychologists. Ellis’ book is enthusiastically written and is full of techniques and exercises that can be applied to both practical and emotional problems.
Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman
Everything you need to know about optimism is contained within these pages. Seligman spends time outlining exactly what optimism is and how it contrasts to pessimism. He points out the impact an optimistic outlook has on both your mental and physical health. For instance, if you are an optimist, you are in a good position to avoid developing depression. Probably the most important point about this book is that it emphasises that optimism can be learned. The idea being that if you change your thinking, you change what follows. Included are chapters on bringing up an optimistic child.
Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman
If you want to be happier, read Authentic Happiness. Authentic happiness is about achieving happiness through the exercising and building of strengths and virtues, rather than turning to simple shortcuts such as TV and shopping. The book discusses what makes us happy and what doesn’t. Seligman explains how it is possible to be happy with our past, hopeful about the future and to enjoy the here and now. The 24 signature strengths are described. There are also sections on work, relationships and bringing up children to be happy and positive.
